Sidling up to Michel Barnier’s boot leather

A few years ago a colleague of mine attended a Conservative Garden Party on the south coast in search of new readers for our magazine.

‘I wish,’ she said to the local Chairman of the Conservative Party, ‘your members would read The Salisbury Review.’

‘My dear lady,’ replied the comfortable, avuncular figure in whose head the lights had long gone out, “Conservatives don’t read, they KNOW.”

Which is why we will be sending no MEPs to Brussels at the next European elections, but will be obeying their laws.

There are several names for this; ‘surrender’, ‘slavery’, subservience, vassaldom…..

We have come to this pass because many Conservatives prefer to have their thinking done for them by the Daily Telegraph. Which is why two years ago when the average conservative voter got up in the morning, he wasn’t thinking about Syria or civil partnerships for gays, but what an absolute bounder Boris Johnson was. He didn’t know why Johnson was a bounder, but two years ago all conservatives thought Johnson was a bounder. So he did too.

Conservatives don’t read they KNOW – don’t you know?

The reason Boris was thought to be a bounder was that Conservative Central office, egged on by the Treasury, had put the word about. They feared that Boris would not only lead a populist government in favour of Brexit, but he would do it with panache and humour, and even worse, succeed. And, unlike our confused conservative, the left recognised Boris as their most deadly enemy years ago which is why if Boris as much as goes to scratch his bottom in a corner, the BBC runs it as their headline on Today.

Following the grotesqueries at Chequers this last weekend, Tory high command is doing everything it can to prevent a leadership election, but if 48 letters go through to the 1922 committee a leadership contest there will be.

Contenders will be Boris Johnson, Michael Gove, Ruth Davidson. Sajid Javid, and Rees Mogg. Tory High command favours Sajid Javid because of the Muslim vote, and if not him Ruth Davidson; ‘The lesbian with family values.’ Rees Mogg is a diversion on which Tory High Command intends the elderly to waste their votes. Johnson and Gove are equally competent in different ways, but secret remainer Gove has signalled he will sign the deed of surrender to Brussels.

Johnson did not resign immediately which is against him, but with the exception of David Davies neither did any of the other Brexiteers in the cabinet. which may indicate they are waiting Mrs May’s next move which, upon receiving the inevitable, ‘Non’ from M Barnier will be to hand over control of our services to the EU, making our surrender complete. She will then go on to consolidate Brussel’s grip on Britain until she goes down to a landslide defeat at the next election.

But hold on – Tories don’t read they KNOW. No sooner will the political waters close over the heads of the remaining Brexiteers than all will be forgiven and we will be hearing drivel from the grass roots about Vichy May’s staying power and her ‘pluck’.

This may be the time when real conservatives take out their books of stamps and pads of notepaper, nobody in power takes the slightest notice of e mails or tweets, and write in favour of Johnson.

Or perhaps you would prefer to wait until an EU commissioner takes over your local constituency ?


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9 Comments on Sidling up to Michel Barnier’s boot leather

  1. No it is is there. I think people find the reality of Mrs May a grey clinger to office much more depressing than your dramatic scenario.

  2. Dear Editor Harris;
    Have you hidden my above post?
    I wrote this outlandish screed in order to be provocative.
    Apparently, nobody is provoked, this is most disconcerting.
    Yours, etc.
    Disquieted in Florida

  3. So the farce continues onto a new level of absurdity: Apparently PM May cannot even co-ordinate her negotiation strategy with the cabinet member responsible for the negotiating! Simultaneously her minister responsible for foreign affairs has quit!
    I have tried to see PM May in a positive light but this beyond parody. She is held in power by a clique of Irish criminals masquerading as a political party. A confidence motion is now inevitable, and a general election.
    Let us examine the probable result of that election: The SNP sweep Scotland and pronounce that victory to be sufficient for a Unilateral Declaration of Independence, no need for another referendum, England wants out of the EU, Scotland wants in, therefore no more UK. Scotland will claim, justifiably, that they have no need to apply to join the EU as they are already members. They tell Whitehall that the debt is England’s problem, and then join the Euro. A hard border is established between England and Scotland where there hasn’t been one for over 300 years. Well done little Englanders, you have triumphed! There is conflict over the border location, because the land border effects the ocean boundary, where Scotland claim all the oil in the North Sea as theirs.
    Northern Ireland votes pro EU, they may be ambivalent about a united Ireland, but they absolutely support a united Europe.
    There is, therefore, a constitutional crisis (inasmuch as Britain has a constitution). Parliament is hung but Labour claim victory as they will probably win the popular vote, the Queen refuses to ask Corbyn to form a govt., because she has been told that the military will not allow it. Momentum then takes to the streets, quickly followed by the 3rd world gangs who control the organized crime in English cities. The Army mobilizes and declares martial law, unfortunately the Army only has enough troops to control London, and not all of that, and only during the day, the night belongs to rioting, looting and pillaging gangs. Other cities become nightmares where criminals, rioters and looters run unhindered.
    The pound crashes, there is a massive run on the banks, which are forced to close, the economy grinds to a halt, as does society, in the face of massive looting of liquor and food stores. Food runs out, electricity becomes intermittent, as does gas and water. The petrol stations all close for lack of product, streets are clogged with vehicles which have run out of fuel.
    Elderly white English people (of whom I would have been one if I hadn’t had the sense to get the eff out), cower in their houses and flats, without water, electricity, gas or food. Terrified to venture outdoors because of the gangs, they curl up and die by the thousand.
    You think it can’t happen? It may not work out this well!

  4. I see there are a number of correspondents from overseas who no longer take the magazine because the airmail edition is too expensive. The electronic version is 100% the same as the paper version, and has the advantage of being indexed, press on a title and you get the article. It is also ridiculously cheap, and to our advantage, you can pass it on to your friends for nothing, thus spreading the the WORD in such places as our lost territories in the Americas following the disasters of Saratoga and Yorktown.

  5. Dear Brother Harris: I still recall with delight an essay published in these pages – 17 or so years ago – about Charles de Laet Waldo Sibthorp, the ultra-Tory politician (early-to-mid 19th C. I think) dead set against the construction of railroads in England. There’s a scholarly treatment of his life out there, which I found and put on my Amazon wish list, but I’ve never been able to buy one. Now, 17 years ago was before your time here, but p’rhaps, speaking of choo-choo trains, your internal TSR search engine can locate the article of which I speak for our enjoyment. Even the illustrations were sublime. Blessings to you and your firm.

  6. Every time I talk to my British friends I am reminded of “oil is water that has lost its get up and go” from the fabulous Toolbox by Fabio Morabito. They have lost heart, given up..

  7. Why this hostility to the Spectator? It urged a leave vote, didn’t it? But otherwise, I agree that Johnson is the best of the current Tory crop. It is also true that the Tories’ cowardly tendency is back in control; but that’s been so since they summoned up the “courage” to knife poor Mrs T. The question is: how should voters act? I believe that to turn on the Conservatives in toto would be suicidal – handing us straight over to the communist / EU rump which is today’s Labour party. The only answer then is tactical voting: booting out the Europhils where possible, but sustaining the Brexiteers. For this to work we need – desperately – a Party of Brexit. UKIP seems to have evaporated and had serious design flaws anyway; so a National Democratic Congress or NDC should be set up. We the readers are in no position to do this but journalists might. Meetings should be held, programmes established. There’s so much that might be done – repeal the Human rights nonsense, trim the “Lords”, get rid of the climate change act, allow fracking, abolish all quangos, abolish “hate crime”, freeze Civil Service recruitment, get rid of entire ministries, make health insurance tax deductible, restore grammar schools – on and on. With belief and zeal and a sense of mission, much could be done. Let’s get on with it.

    • Percy,I too like The Spectator, or used to in the days closely following Addison and Steele. There’s a fascinating article about their lives during the early Speccie years written by Dr Johnson. I shall quote passages upon request by our correspondent in Disneyworld (“Goofy”, I think his name is); but it’s become a tad tedious, if not twee, these past 10+ years in my opinion. In any case, like this more serious journal, I can no longer afford it. “Dear Mary” was one of my favourite bylines.