The Revenge of Dominic Cummings

In scenes in the House of Commons reminiscent of the final chapters of Wind in the Willows Prime Minster Boris Johnson (Mr Toad) confessed to the assembled Stoats and Weasels – Labour, Lib Dem, SNP and other po faced creatures from the Wild Socialist wood – that he had held parties for the staff at 10 Downing Street during lockdown. That it is was very wicked of him, and he would not do it again.

Did anybody die as a result of these parties ? No. What were the chances of catching Covid 19 at one on a bright sunlit day in May, with everybody keeping their distance? Extremely slight.

Never the less it was a sombre Mr Badger (Keith Starmer) who rose to admonish the wicked Toad. When was he going to do the decent thing and resign? Would his fellow Toads, the Parliamentary Conservative Party find enough moral fibre to show him the door?

Starmer of course does not give a row of pins about parties, he wants to replace Boris’ feet under the table in Downing Street with his own. With Labour in power, he will be knocking on the door of the EU begging to be admitted.

“Of course President of the Commission, we will join the Euro, of course we will scrap any bilateral trade treaties we may have signed since we left. Of course we will surrender the control of our armed services to Brussels. Of course we will pay a gigantic fine for daring to leave. Of course we will subject ourselves to the European Courts. Yes, we are hoping to abolish the House of Commons.”

Better the Toad you know than the Toad you don’t. The Garden Party leak came from Dominic Cummings. Far from getting rid of Boris, Starmer should be asking, begging, the House to keep Boris. If he resigns Rishi Sunak will become Prime Minister and with him, if Dominic Cummings’ numerous denials of wanting a job under the ex chancellor are anything to go by, will come Cummings; midwife of Brexit, the Tory’s 80 seat majority and hammer of the Civil Service.

Boris will resign in the six months, and move on to a job more suited to him, editor of the Daily Telegraph ? Sunak will take up the reins, Cummings will carry his cardboard box back into Downing St  and Labour will be finished.

On the other hand…how did the story go in Wind in the Willows?

“Very good news indeed” observed the Rat dubiously (on hearing that Toad had promised to stop stealing bright red motor cars.’) If only, IF only—- he was looking very hard at Toad as he said this, and could not help thinking he perceived something vaguely resembling a twinkle in that animal’s still sorrowful eye.”

Subscribe to the quarterly print magazine

Subscribe to the quarterly digital magazine

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.


3 Comments on The Revenge of Dominic Cummings

  1. Starmer is a Honey Badger, a particularly vicious and violent member of the family. There is African blood in him.

    The English Badger, though I say so myself, is civilised and affable and believes in free market competition and tiny government.

  2. Sinai? The one who condemned more than 3 million people in this country to penury and despair. That Sunak? No thank you.

    Where are the actual conservative Conservatives?